To stand a Cat's chance in hell of knowing what the shitznitz is going on, you'd better learn these words and phrases:
Where a Bungaloid lives, of course...
Someone who fantasises sexually about people in santa costumes...
Relatively self-explanatory. First heard uttered by Jessie May
(US Poker expert) and a fine addition to the Punky! Dictionary - thank you,
An intelligent blonde. Savage creation, UK.
The ancient art of vigorously brushing your teeth before
pleasuring your fella. Expression invented by TPME, Sherwood Forest, Notts
The ancient art of vigorously
brushing your teeth before pleasuring your missus. Expression invented by Paulyb, Sherwood Forest, Notts.
Delightful substitute for the "C" word. Particularly useful when
wishing to chastise toddlers. Orig. Northern England.
Couple of terms for "Cock Knocker" already but we're going to
take "Cockknockery" as our own. Basically - "What sort of cockknockery IS
Euph. Penis. Orig. Daisy, Ventura CA.
Euph. Vagina. Orig. Daisy, Ventura CA.
Slightly revolting alternative to "Bum" (UK) or "Fanny" (US) -
example usage "Look at the Turd Cutter on THAT!". Orig. Flem Livet, Chicago,
The male equivalent of a "Faghag". Invented by Paulyb himself.
These are rare creatures. We recommend you watch Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy"
A gentle term of endearment from the heart of Canada, You crazy Canadanans!
Apt description of a pocket-sized punk-rock chick who is as
likely sit in your lap and purr as she is jump at your head and bite your
It's a slam-dance for the over-30s! Simply bob up and down like
a meer cat balancing on a couple of slinkies. You'll gain the admiration of
your mature pals AND you won't spill your beer.
Affectionate term for a "Drinker from the furry cup". Blame Paulyb's father-In-Law for this one.
Carissa reckons this means "Oh My God" in ALL languages. We think she might have made it up...
Toffee-nosed posho way of calling someone a "Crown" or a "James". We've got Black Cat to thank for that one.
In general usage but also a great thing to put down in a festive game of scrabble - 45 points on a triple! Go, Grandma, Go!
An imaginary device used to drag a nightclub swamp monste rinto a simiarly imaginary keepnet
An ailment brought on by excessive "Self-love".
Title of a song by a band called "Hayride to Hell" but we think
it might be suitable for more general abuse... "Geoffrey! Stop feeding glue
to the goats, you panhead!".
The only way of describing what happens to a 36 year old man
when he gets a VERY strange sensation in his penis. Also now, courtesy of
one P. Buttons (Toronto) an insult, as in "Now look what you've done, you
A cheeky little expression for a cheeky little sexual manouvre
- spaff in your partner's eye, kick them in the shin and watch them limp
around the bedroom shouting "Aaaarrrggghhh!". Not a suggestion for a first date...
General abuse from Jamie in Brighton.
A mild form of abuse reserved for a loved one.
Fairly self explanatory but why you would want to call anyone a "French Shower Head" is beyond us...
Egyptian slang for veiny bang stick. It's normally prefaced by "Mighty" in conversation.
Far less likely to land you in bother than "Asshole" or the preferred "Arsehole".
As variations on a theme go, this is nothing short of top notch.
We've come to the conclusion that this is a hybrid of "Smackhead" and "Retard" origin Birmingham, UK and rapidly taking over the globe!
Descent into bad mood, accidentally created by Mr. E. Tomorrow, Philadelphia, USA
A fond advocate of the "Hand Shandy" colloquial, Chicago, USA
We were originally misinformed about this, believing it to be German for "Monkey dick" - it's not, it's the German for "Ape Tail" but we're still puerile enough to call people it. Regularly.
Common US way of saying "Shit" without actually getting in trouble off your folks, rather like "Freaking" and "Mofo" (US scaredy cat way of swearing)
UK term for purple helmet - the business end of the custard chucker.
exceptionally drunk, courtesy of King Kurt circa 1986.
We disagree on this one. Tony thinks it's a sticky flange, Paulyb thinks it's a toothless vagina.
The ancient masculine art of wiping your penis on your lover's curtains for no ther reaon than to wind her (or him) up.
Opposite of a maggot-sized veiny bangstick.
orig. Mr. P. Gibbons (London) profuse letting of claret.
Mystery omniscient Aerowolf responsible for this one - simple joining of shit and idiot. We don't think it will catch on.
General term of endearment as developed by a chap called PEZ who we believe to be from Atlantis.
A "genitalia obsessive". We can't remember who tod us this one but it rolls off the tongue...
Octogenatrian Deep South phrase for "The Little Corporal" - example usage "That'll make Uncle Foamy stand up and tap dance!" (Mississippi).
A medieval "Friend Of Dorothy". Originator? As far as we know - it's a bloke called Doug.
English translation of an old Cajun expression meaning "A tad frantic".
Abbreviation of "Crown & Anchor" (Popular name for a pub in England) and Cockney rhyming slang for an enthusiast of onanism.
General vocal expression of being in a state of excitement, accidentally created by Paulyb himself and spreading across Cyberspace like a bout of thrush in a ladies rugby 15 changing room.
We don't know what it is but it "sure is funny".
A phrase with a multitude of uses (Especially when in
Amsterdam). Best when said with ridiculous Dutch accent, particularly after
a near miss or fall.
General term of abuse and handy alternative to "bollock baguette" and "Scrotum subway". Introduced to Punky! by a girl from Reading,
Berks called Laura.
Inspirational phrase for a front bottom air biscuit. Can be derogatory or even fragrant...
Is tommy turtle head touching cloth? yes indeedy! I'm prairie-dogging...
A particularly aggressive phrase for the delicate flower that is the female genitalia.
(Southern, US) Not only are we impressed by the phrase, we are also overjoyed at the fact that those
inbreds have actually got a season for randomly prodding fruit.
Something new to shout at emo kids when you walk past them in
the street. Very important however that you affect a camp US accent of some
description when you do it. Don't worry about them hitting you - the worst
thing they'll do is go home and write about you in their diary, no doubt in
Even worse than an emo kid... a James Blunt fan!